Hit Rock Bottom: Time to Surrender

In early August, I hit rock bottom.

My energy levels—which have been very low for years, with no clear explanation—finally reached a point where I simply couldn’t push through anymore. I can’t tell you how many doctor visits I’ve had, how much lab work I’ve done, or how many times I’ve tried to figure out what was going on.

I got to the point where I couldn’t make it through the day without caffeine.
And for someone as sensitive as I am, caffeine is a serious no-no.

I had been running on fumes for years. And finally, the fumes ran out.

Doing the deep energy work that I do, it was incredibly frustrating to feel this depleted.
But perhaps that was the point.

When we hit rock bottom—when we feel like there is nowhere else to go, nothing else we can do—that is often when surrender becomes possible.

Surrender means letting go of the need to control, figure everything out, make it happen, or know exactly what comes next.

It means saying, Okay, Spirit. I hand this over to you.
And then allowing the divine orchestration to unfold.
Much easier said than done, right?

We live in a culture that has taught us to figure it out, push through, take charge, make it happen, and keep going no matter what. We’ve been conditioned to rely heavily on the masculine energy of doing, while the feminine energies of being, receiving, allowing, trusting, and surrendering have often been devalued.

But what if we allowed ourselves to step into the mystery?
What if we trusted that we don’t always have to know the how?
Because so often, when we finally let go, the answers, support, and guidance arrive—sometimes just in the nick of time.

That’s exactly what happened for me.

My naturopathic doctor identified a key aspect of my health that no one else had spotted, pointing toward some much-needed healing in my gut after 20 years of undiagnosed celiac disease.

Suddenly, pieces of the puzzle began to make sense.

I realized I had been running on fumes for years, continually giving and giving without ever fully replenishing myself.

And when the fumes finally dried up, surrender began.

So this week, I’m in Boulder filling my cup.

Massage. Chiropractic care. And daily three-hour healing sessions that I am receiving to support my gut, restore my energy, and recharge my batteries.

Someone said to me, “Three hours? That’s a long time!”
Yes.
And it’s delightful.

It is exactly what my body is asking for: to be still, to be horizontal, to be nourished, to receive, to meditate, and to simply be.

This is part of the deep Divine Feminine reclamation work that I teach—and now, I’m embodying it even more deeply myself.
Stillness.
Being-ness.
Self-love.
Self-care.
Receiving.
Surrender.

And believe it or not, when we do this, this is when we become magnetic.
There is no need to push, control, manage, or force things to happen.
That is the old programming of hustle and efforting that so many of us have been taught.

Instead, we soften.
We receive.
We allow.

And in that space, things can begin to come toward us without all the pushing and efforting.
Music to your ears?!

It’s amazing how, when you are exhausted, all your body may want is to be still and quiet.

Yet the mind comes in like a taskmaster:
Get up.
Do something.
You can’t just lie here.

Nothing is going to happen if you don’t make it happen.
But perhaps that voice is part of the old programming.

Doing is associated with the masculine.
Being is associated with the feminine.
We need both.

The magic happens when we bring them into balance.

And here’s my invitation to you:
Don’t wait for rock bottom.

You can begin bringing your inner masculine and feminine into balance right now.
Start small.

The next time you walk into your favorite coffee shop, instead of automatically ordering your usual, pause.
Take a breath.

Ask Spirit:
What is on the menu for me today?

And then follow the guidance.
The other day, I did exactly that.

Instead of my usual decaf latte, I ordered a golden milk.
A tiny act of surrender.
But that’s how we begin.

We practice listening.
We practice receiving.
We practice letting go of what we think we should do and becoming available for what wants to emerge.

And over time, these little moments can become a whole new way of being.

Are you getting this intellectually, but still don’t know where to begin?

Consider the Divine Feminine Reclamation Mentorship, where I hold your hand, offer guidance, and provide healing support every step of the way.

Or begin the surrender journey through a plant medicine ceremony, where surrender is one of the most important invitations as the medicine begins to activate within you.

We have an upcoming Taos Retreat, October 3–4. Click here for more information.

Here’s to surrendering.

Start small.

Go big.

Let go of the need to control it all.

And become magnetic.

Art by Kimberly Webber